Two Make a Team
For any relationship or team to excel, there must be a lot of behind the scenes activities that take place. Most of these actions go unnoticed. I have spoken often about the “true” team sport of football since everyone doesn’t get to score. The unheralded work of the offensive linemen and scout team build the foundation for the team.
Recently in the news, there have been numerous reports about coaches changing jobs since it was “what was best for my family.” Very few people pause to think about the “family structure” and who happens to be the guiding force and rudder that keeps everything going in the right direction.
You guessed it: the WIFE who is also the MOTHER to the kids. (There are some other coaching situations where the lady is the coach, and the roles are reversed but that is more of the exception than the rule.)
In college, most coaching changes take place around Christmas. One exception was at Bama when Mike Price was letting it roll at a strip club in Pensacola. Mike Shula took over in May in a no-win situation. College coaching is the ONLY profession where you wait for someone to get fired, promoted or to retire. That creates an opening and the dominoes start to fall.
Follow this hypothetical example:
Coach X has been on the hot seat at a college in say, Kentucky. Finally, the power brokers decide to fire Coach X. Most of their coaches have contracts that will pay them until July. Others aren’t that fortunate. They work at the discretion of the head coach.
The graduate assistants, the analysts, the training staff, the strength coaches, the nutrition staff, the academic counselors, secretaries, etc. just got let go also in one fatal swoop. By the way, they are NOT making the million- dollar contracts that you read about for the head man. They all have families including kids who are in school.
Let’s now look at the “positive” end of this equation. Coach Y is an up-and-coming coach in Mississippi. He interviews at the school in Kentucky and is hired. He asks Coach Z, his assistant in Mississippi to go with him. He is offered a $40,000 raise. Of course, he accepts the new position, even though his family has laid down roots in Mississippi. He doesn’t know who the new coach will be there, so he has to take the offer in Kentucky.
Coach Z kisses his wife and kids goodbye and takes off recruiting in Kentucky. He lives out of a suitcase and eats a bunch of fake eggs at Choice Hotel breakfasts. Meanwhile, the wife has had to tell her nursing friends where she works at the hospital, “Goodbye.” Decisions must be made: do they let the 3 kids finish the spring semester at school or transfer to their new school? All 3 of the kids are active in softball and baseball. The oldest is a junior who was preparing for his high school football spring training.
Leaving the church family and neighborhood is tough also. On top of all that, here comes the real estate issues. These involve selling the house in Mississippi and finding a new one in Kentucky. Again, the wife is the one that has everything dumped in her lap.
I know the responses: coaches and their families knew what they were getting into when they decided to go into the coaching profession. Many college coaches who are friends of mine, have bounced around, looking for the “next big move.” Many times, they never stayed long enough at a school to get vested in the retirement system. At least at the high school level, you are hired as a teacher first, which allows for tenure after 3 years.
Other professions follow the same guidelines. The first that comes to mind is the ministry. Preachers by their nature and calling, spend most of their time comforting members of their congregation while the spouse is busy raising the kids. There is a special place in Heaven for Preacher’s wives. The minister is at the hospital, nursing home, church office, funeral home or visiting shut-ins. He is expected to appear “normal” with his own family when his day is done. Unfortunately, he is on call 24/7.
I have spoken to a few preachers who missed their own kid’s birthday party, T-ball game or school play because they had to be consoling a family at the hospital. Again, the team of 2 falls back on the spouse.
Farming couples come to mind as true teams also. If there is livestock involved, believe me, everybody is always on call. There are a few farming families that jump out at me from my youth: Marie and Les Jeffreys, Louise and James Isbell, Polly and Jimmy King. When we were hauling hay or helping with livestock, getting paid $5 a day didn’t matter. What mattered was the sight of one of those ladies bringing a basket full of hot fried chicken, pinto beans, fried okra, sliced tomatoes, cornbread and a pitcher of sweet tea for us to enjoy for lunch in the shade of a hay wagon. I can assure you that my brother Bob, Jimmy Isbell, Paul Jeffreys, Dan McCormick, Curtis South, Ed Cross, Sammy Ford, Redus Moran, Tom Gargis, David Gargis, Roscoe South, Andy Riley and Roland Gargis will agree with me. They have all been there.
My mouth waters just like my eyes do, when I think back on the love that these women put into those midday feasts. I only pray that one day, these younger generations get to experience what we did. It should be a requirement before getting one’s driver’s license. Or marriage license.
The final “hidden team” member that deserves praise are doctor’s wives. We had one of the best, Beverly Ashmore, when we were growing up in Leighton. Her husband and idol of every Leighton boy, Dr. Jim Ashmore, did house calls in the 60’s, would be at our football and basketball practices and probably did more “pro-bono” work before that word even existed.
They raised 3 beautiful and talented daughters, Angela, Allyson and Stephanie. They were our neighbors and my parent’s best friends. I can remember seeing Doc’s car pull out of their driveway after midnight, heading to the hospital in Sheffield or Muscle Shoals to take care of one of his patients. Their legacy lives on.
Often, the driving force behind any successful team does most of the dirty work.
We call them wives and mommas.