Three Ways to Lose Friends
Right after I graduated from college in 1974, Paul Simon had a hit song entitled “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover.” He named a few like Take the bus, Gus. Don’t be coy, Roy. Make a new plan, Stan.
Ole Paul never gave us the entire fifty.
I will not be outdone. There are three ways to lose friends. Here they are:
- Tell someone how to raise their kids. 2. Tell someone how to spend their money. 3. Tell someone how to spend their time.
That’s it. Pretty simple. I’m sure there are others that include lying, cheating or stealing. For someone committing those sins, they would lose almost anyone, not just friends.
Often, friends will ask for advice about child raising but really and truly, they are usually just seeking reassurance, not the truth. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. In other words, you haven’t walked a mile in my shoes.
The easy advice: “Let him sit in jail. Kick him out of the house. He’s too old to talk or act like that. You have enabled her long enough. Why don’t you do this? Why haven’t you tried this? Here’s what I would do, etc., etc., etc.”
Since most of us are past the child raising age, it now involves grandkids. We all catch ourselves preaching under our breath “Why doesn’t that dad correct his kid? My daddy would have taken a belt to me in the vestibule of the church, and I would have had to make the walk of shame back into the church crying as the preacher read Proverbs 13:24.”
As kids, we learned the verse by heart about sparing the rod and spoiling the child.
There is also a Bible verse that speaks about casting the first stone. Or quit focusing on the speck in your friend’s eye and get the 2 by 4 out of your own. We are all guilty.
The immediate and swift response is to attack the messenger. “It’s not like your kids were angels. How about minding your own business? I remember going with you to bail your own son out of jail.”
My advice for parents struggling with kids or grandkids is this: “We will be there to support your family and your decisions. We will pray for you and be available as a sounding board if you need me.”
My golden word of advice is straight to the point: “No one likes to be told how to raise their kids and I’m not about to break that cardinal rule.”
The second way to lose friends is to tell someone how to spend their money. That one is difficult, especially when a friend or family member is struggling financially. “Well, if you didn’t insist on buying your kids the most expensive clothes, you wouldn’t have to live paycheck to paycheck. What’s was wrong with the paid-off car you were driving? Taking on another car payment made no sense.”
Do you know of some one who will insist on “helping out” with a gift, then telling that person how foolish it is for them to go out for Mexican food when they could be saving their money by eating Beenie Weenies and baloney sandwiches at home? Or: When my family was struggling, we would play board games and cards instead of going to the movies. It’s funny that you stay overdrawn each month, but your kids have the latest video games and latest cell phone. I bet they didn’t give you that tattoo for free.”
The best and worst advice is the same: “Have you thought about developing a budget and sticking with it?” Ask that and get prepared for the above-mentioned attack the messenger.
The final way to lose a friend is to tell them how to spend their time, especially for friends who “never have enough time to do it all.” This rule actually ties in with the first two mentioned above.
This friend claims to stay busier than a one-legged-man in a butt-kicking contest. TIME is the one universal entity that is equal to us all. How we spend that time is not. It’s often like fingernails on a chalkboard when these friends can’t find time to help others.
Two men who are really busy come to mind. One is a close friend. The other is more well-known nationally. These are Dr. Jimmy Gardiner who heads up the St. Jude Trail Ride in July at his farm on Underwood Mountain. The other one is Nick Saban.
Doc is the definition of class and has one of the largest and most successful dental practices, Singing River Dentistry, but finds and makes time to volunteer countless hours for the annual fundraiser. For volunteers and potential volunteers, ask yourself this: if Jimmy can make time to help raise half-million dollars, why can’t I?
Nick and Terry Saban also find time to raise money for his Nick’s Kids Foundation. The couple has raised millions to assist those less fortunate in west Alabama. Even though Nick is retired from coaching, his foundation continues to give back.
It’s a well-known fact; money can’t buy happiness AND you can’t have too many friends.
During this Holy Week, let’s find ways to develop More friends instead of finding ways to lose the ones we already have.
I just hope Paul Simon gives me credit for his next hit: “Three Ways to Lose Your Friends.”