In-Laws and Out-Laws
It took me a while to determine the exact definition of an in-law. Apparently, it is the sibling of your spouse. If that’s the case, I hit the jackpot.
My brother-in-law, Bob Tanner, is closer to me than a brother. He is one of the few people who can be in the exclusive club of “I know of no one who could say anything negative about him.” Give Bob a problem or broken tool and it will be fixed before sundown. With a smile. My sister outkicked her coverage.
The same is true of my sister-in-law Deb who has been married to my brother Bob for over 45 years. I can’t say it in public, but she deserves a purple heart for putting up with my baby bro. She is the ultimate mother and Debba to 10 grandkids with another on the way.
Today, I am traveling to Athens, Alabama for the graveside service of my brother-in-law on the Garlen side, Larry. He was the older brother of my late wife, Barbara, who died over the weekend from Alzheimer’s. His loves in order were Alabama football and NASCAR. To be more specific, Dale Earnhardt, Sr. as well as his work associates at the GM plant near Tanner.
After #3’s death, Larry just had to pay his respect to Dale’s burial place in North Carolina. He also decided to hit the last 5 races from Talladega to Homestead, Florida. You can’t file a missing person’s report on a grown man who decides to travel and see his heroes. I would pray that no one would search for me if I went missing paying homage to Paul Bryant, Jerry Clower, Bill Monroe and Lewis Grizzard.
When you think of in-laws, you realize that when you say, “I do,” it’s a package deal, like it or not. For many families, this can be the beginning of the end. For many of you reading this, your response is: “I wouldn’t pee on my brother-in-law if he was on fire.”
Or: “my sister-in-law is crazier than a sprayed roach.” Why did he have to choose her?”
Why is it like that?
Mothers-in-law and fathers-in- laws stories are the worst. As a rule, many mothers HATE their daughters-in-law and fathers-in-law hate their sons-in-law? Mothers think: “no girl is good enough for my son. She doesn’t even know how to make home-made biscuits.”
Fathers-in-law think: “This is the little girl I taught how to throw a curve ball and how to change a flat tire. This clown with the man-bun will be passing half my DNA on to my grandson who I hope will be a wide receiver at Bama or a walk-on at Auburn if he doesn’t have the grades or ability to get in Bama. Heaven forbids, if he ends up at one of the 18 schools in the Big 10.”
Remember the old story about the newly wed lady whose husband kept complaining? He asked: “Why can’t you make biscuits like my mama could? “She responded: “I could, IF you made dough like my Daddy!” Ching!
I am one of the fortunate ones to have 2 different world class mothers-in law. My first is Dean Garlen, better known as Granny Dean. If there is a better Christian woman on God’s green earth, I would travel for days to meet her. Last year, I lost my other dear mother-in-law, Mary Nelle Moseley. Her middle name, like her daughter, was GO.
Where else would you find a ninety-something MIL on the front row of a blues band concert or behind the wheel of a Chrysler convertible? After I lost my own mother in December of 2019, Nello became my surrogate mother. And I loved it.
I was also fortunate to have 2 fathers-in-law: Joe Garlen (Papa Joe) and John Moseley, Ga Ga. My youngest son, Joe Claude, got part of his name from Papa Joe. Joe loved fishing, Alabama football and NASCAR. You can see the hobbies which were passed down to his son through the years.
Susan’s dad, Ga Ga, was a short quiet man, whose faith and support of Coosada Baptist, was unmatched. He and I laughed for years about my asking him for his daughter’s hand in marriage. The funny part? I was 62 and Ga Ga was in his 80’s. Thankfully, he said OK and blessed us. He loved his little dogs and his Auburn Tigers.
I often think of some of my Leighton friends and their in-laws. I played ball with most of them. Doug Gray and Gordon Isbell. Ray Fitzgerald and Bryan Dodson. Mark Chamblee and Danny Davenport. Jimmy Isbell and Edwin Fretwell. Roger Gargis and Chuck Morgan. David Gargis and Jeff Fuller. That’s a brief list of some good men right there.
I think that when God finished creating earth, he said: “I probably need to figure out a way to let the mere mortals figure out a way to expand the family structure. Outlaws seem too harsh. Let’s call them in-laws.”
Thank you, God, for again, thinking of us.