Swap and Shop
You have to be Old; I mean REAL OLD to remember the radio program in the Shoals area called “Swap and Shop.” It was a radio “call in” show held each Saturday morning.
I think the host’s name was Ralph.
Here is what I remember:
“Swap and Shop” was sponsored by 3 different businesses: Fredrickson Tire; Streit Milk and Shop-Rite Grocery Stores. It would have been a natural sponsor for my buddy Sonny Murphy, who once worked for Marvin Morgan Furniture and later started Sonny’s Pawn in Sheffield.
The format was simple: callers would call in with something to sell or give away. Others would call- in, looking for something to buy. At the end of their call, they would give out their phone number to anyone who was interested.
“Shop-Rite Swap and Shop, what’s your call?”
“I’ve got a used lawn mower that cuts about 24”. I just replaced the air filter last week. It needs a blade. There is some rust on it, but it runs fine. Asking $10. My number is 383-0644. My name is Herschel.”
Ralph would repeat the details: “Herschel has a used lawnmower that runs good but needs a blade. He is asking $10. His number is 383-0644.”
Note: this was before you had to add the area code.
Next caller: “Fredrickson Tire Shop and Swap, what’s your call?”
“I am looking for some items for my garden; I need some tomato stakes and some wood poles for my green beans. If you have any cow manure, I’ll take it off your hands also. My name is Big Randy. My number is 381-8723. I live in Sherfield. Go Dogs.”
Ralph would again repeat Big Randy’s needs.
It wasn’t unusual for the police and individuals who had been burglarized to tune in to listen if by chance, their item was included.
“Streit Milk Swap and Shop. What’s your call?”
“Yeah. I got a brand new 3-speed bicycle for sale. It has never been rode. I traded some old dentures with a toothless friend, and I just don’t need no bike. I will sacrifice it for $35. Call me at 446-8591. Ask for Buddy.”
Ralph would say: “Buddy has a great deal on a brand-new bike that has never been ridden. (Sometimes, Ralph would have slip of the tongue.) It sounds like a real steal for someone needing a bike. He can be reached at 446-8591.”
The next call came from Larry who had his new bike stolen.
“Fredrickson Tire Swap and Shop. What’s your call?”
“Ralph. I was calling about the new bicycle that Buddy has for sale. Can you give out his number one more time? Thanks.”
Some of the calls seemed to come straight from Junior Samples of Hee-Haw.
“Shop-Rite Swap and Shop. What’s your call?”
“Ralph. I got pert ‘nere 13 kittens that are free to a good home. They are even free to an average home. I been telling Maureen to get Tabby fixed.”
“She must have thought that I said fixed up. We got baby kittens everywhere that you look. I live up here on Underwood Mountain, near Jimmy Gardiner. If you know where Old Lady Brown used to bootleg, I am in the next trailer. My number is 383-6752. My name is Catherine but they call me Cat.”
“Fredrickson Swap and Shop. What’s your call?”
“Mr. Ralph, I got a used seatbelt that I bought for my toilet last week. Since this was my second Roto -Rooter procedure at the horsespital, I was prepared for THIS colonoscopy. Five years ago after I drank the pre-op combination that tasted like Drano mixed with goat urine, I decided to install seat belts on my commode to keep from being blasted into Franklin County from here near Coon Dog Cemetery. I will even throw in the shoulder strap. My number is 383-2727 or 383-CRAP.”
Of course, Ralphie shortened the ad: “Anyone getting ready for their colonoscopy, call 383-2727 for a good deal on a toilet seatbelt. Believe me, you gonna need it when that mixture finally hits paydirt.”
“Streit Milk Swap and Shop. What’s your call?”
“Ralph, do you know of anyone who has a used washing machine that is cheap. My Grandmother, Big Mama, shot her wringer washing machine when something personal got caught in it on the back porch. She blew it off the porch with a snub-nosed .38 that her Daddy left her after he died.”
“My number is 247-0934. Ask for Clezelle.”
Here’s Ralph: “Clezelle is looking for a cheap used washing machine for her back porch. She didn’t mention it, but I think she has a used one for sale also.”
“If you can overlook the bullet hole in the front. Her number is 247-0934. Throw in a 44 extra-long bra to cheer her up. Clezelle will understand.”
E-Bay and Craig’s List came along years later. They copied the “Swap and Shop” format.
The E-Bay founders and Craig both became billionaires.
Ralph is somewhere, sitting on his back porch, watching his Grandson mow grass with a 24” used lawn mower. It now has a sharp blade.
The old washing machine with a bullet hole in it, was a gift from Clezelle.
None of this will be in the St. Jude auction next month.
Except maybe the commode seat belt.